Random photos

A view of Kampung Lumadan.
Its multi-purpose hall
Papa and his friends.

The day that was 23/04/11

Food distribution for flood victims
My father and some kampung folks patiently waiting outside the community hall of Kampung Lumadan for a food and cash distribution by the state government; Inside the hall a dance performance, with the 1Malaysia theme song blaring from the sound system being presented to the audience. Earlier on there were ceramahs being held inside the dewan. I detest it when what was supposed to be a small initiative by the state government to distribute aid to the flood victims was being purposely turned into a grand event of sort to welcome VIPs, with the accompaniment of kompang and the presence of uniformed government servants (I presumed) to add a touch of pomposity and grandeur to the otherwise serene and quiet atmosphere in the village, and a political campaign was then ensued to propagate these VIPs’ well conceived agendas. The kampung people had congregated here as early as seven in the morning and hours passed by, yet all they got to hear were make-believe speeches and empty promises by the oh-so-important political figures. These folks, most of whom being illiterate, are an easy target to fish votes for the coming general election, I assumed.

Even the food aid came a tad too late. The flood occurred in early February during CNY 2011, yet distribution of aids only came in April. Talking about the efficiency of the administration! But they say better late than never .

My father came back much later at about 1pm with a packet of 15kgs rice and RM50.

Sigh.




Fang Sheng
I bought all the 10kgs of ikan keli from the lady fishmonger, all while trying to ease my guilt for concocting a lie that I bought these fish for resell to a businessman in KK, and emphasizing the fact that I only came to buy once in a while if there was a request from the businessman. I had to hide my actual intention for fear of encouraging them to capture more fishes knowing that there’s a steady demand at hand .

It’s always brought about a liberating sense to see the initial calm water being stirred into tiny little waves by the wriggling movement of the fish upon being released into freedom. It elicits this feeling of peace and contentment from within me to see how these tiny lives which were supposed to end up on dining tables, found a precious second chance to live.




Kuih Muih
Some of the kuih-muih (local cakes) I bought from pekan Bongawan, while on my way back to the village, on a Saturday morning. I had meant to buy the very delicious kuih koci but it had been sold out. It’s pretty hard nowadays to find cheap food items selling at 3 pieces for a ringgit. The exorbitant prices of goods these days make living a struggle for the rakyat, especially for the low income group. Is it the cascading effect of the global economy situation, or simply the inefficient administration of our government that is to blame for what we are facing right now?

No one is to know.


Some other random pictures I took of the surroundings , while lazing around in my parents’ house in the village.

My mother's carefully tended chilly plants
Place where we release fishes.
Wild yam plant which never bore fruits.
Baby banana plant
A plastic pail to store water from the slightly leaking water tap.
Young coconut tree with the old one growing side by side.
Cast Iron plant, thriving despite being grossly neglected.
Plot of fresh grass.
Rambutan tree stub
Shy plant (pokok semalu), sensitive & humble as its name suggests,will crumble when touched.
Wild orchid plant found its home on a felled rambutan tree stub
A bouquet of flowers I bought for the Buddha shrine



A new puppy in the house we named Jenggo

It has been a relaxing weekend though, to be away from the hectic schedules in the city, and simply indulged in little moments of easy relaxation and quiet introspection, before embarking on yet another week of work and responsibilities and attending to whatever mundane details of everyday life ….

Rude

I don’t get it.

Why are Malaysian drivers so impatient inconsiderate and above all rude? Suddenly cutting into other people’s lane in order to get ahead while every one else is patiently waiting is just SO. NOT. RIGHT. Some even have the audacity to drive all the way to the start of the line. I am a slow driver, unskilled even, to have someone continuing honking at me (on a single lane) to vent their frustration for driving slow is even worse, it pretty much distracts me and make me nervous and frightful. What if in my nerve-racking state of mind I accidentally switch to the reverse gear and bump into cars lining behind me? All I ask is a little patience there is really no need to constantly gesturing and murmuring which looks more like someone in a huge rage hurling abusive remarks at me.

Don’t go ballistic like that. You really don’t have to, that really make you a very bitter and angry person.

I think most understand the rudimentary road etiquettes and regulations but instead choose to ignore them. Thus they rule the road,as to their liking, breaking one law upon another even sometimes endangering the lives of other law-abiding road users. How unfair.

Drive me nuts most of the times.

Happiness

Sometime ago, I went for grocery shopping on a fine Saturday morning thereafter dropped by at Damai to have a bowl of noodle soup at my cousin’s food stall in a kopitiam. The owner or rather the operator of the kopitiam sat at my table and we started to chat. The conversation which initially revolved around the mundane concerns of day-to-day life like diet, high blood pressures and medical treatments soon turned to this emotional and soul searching topic - happiness.

She lamented about how difficult it is to be happy these days that she felt like leaving her business behind and pursuing something more meaningful and soul-enriching like working as a social worker. I said everyone would have envied her position being her own boss earning some good money, besides she has her family like her spouse, children and grandchildren whom she could spend time and find joy and happiness with. But she said these were all the superficial impression upon which her life is assessed but in no way does that reflect her innermost feelings, for she felt more sorrow than happiness that sometimes she just felt like throwing her arms in the air and waved that little white flag of surrender to say `I give up’.

She’s past her fifties yet is miserably unhappy. Why is happiness sometimes an easy endeavour for few yet virtually unattainable for some?

To her plight I could only said `don’t worry too much’. I feel this statement has oftentimes become so overused on my part for I couldn’t bring myself to find a proper phrase to comfort someone in need of a little consolation. Months ago I used the same overused phrase on someone whom I met after a long time not seeing each other and I asked her how she was doing, and in reply she said with misty eyes that `life is bitter’ she did not know how to begin to elaborate during that brief meeting but simply lean on my shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. All I could do was put my arm on her shoulder and the same `not to worry so much’ slipped out my mouth.

Being financially secure does not equate happiness, yes you and me know money can sure solve a lot of our financial troubles providing momentary sigh of relief for the many of us who are mostly working for the sake of money, but having thick wads of cash is not the source of our happiness we all know that.

Is happiness itself not a cliché ?

I have no right to tell someone not to worry for I have never delved into their inner soul to dissect the every fibre of their being to find out the reason for their unhappiness. Like the manner with which we dissect a little mouse in the school laboratory and lay their body parts, intestinal track and all on the operating table and we begin to examine all the parts and we digest and justify and we conclude. But problems in life and happiness in particular are those invisible and intangible parts that could not be physically examined and properly verified as such, thus warrant deeper spiritual insight and understanding.

We are not specialists on how to treat unhappiness because I believe most of us are also learning on a day to day basis on how to stay happy.

Life is like riding a rollercoaster, some days it brings you high up in the air and you are exhilaratingly excited for you have the best view entirely to yourself and everything is lovely and beautiful where the sun shines brightly and the azure sky is as though within your reach; no sooner can you breathe in the beauty of it all it suddenly and heartlessly cruises you down to the seemingly bottomless river below and you look up and admire all the beauty from afar tantalizingly and seducingly beckoning to you yet it is not within your reach for you have already slipped down into the swollen river, following the flow of swirling rushing water and you have to hold onto anything within your grab in order to stay afloat ..

But if you are persevere enough and determine to not let go of your hold, the wheel of life will definitely bring you high up again.. So is the rise and fall of feelings.

We all have had our share of misery and unhappy moments, there are situations that are difficult to deal with, a problem unresolved yet another crops up. We just have to gather enough courage and perserverance to deal with it.

For more than two weeks some time during the past year I had been having persistently irritating sore body and a screaming back pain and the many out of breath situations which made me constantly sank into an inevitable low mood, and I was struggling to look fit when friends invited me to go out for breakfast when the fact was that this fragile body was desperately calling for attention.

Not to mention the many experiences of nursing self-deprecating thoughts and a sense of worthlessness and dejection for momentarily losing the so much needed perspective in my life.

But today I am feeling rather ok, the back pain has diminished so is the sore body.

Feelings, good or bad, these will eventually pass. For a few days it might be raining with thunderstorm and all but given another couple of days there will be sunshine and breezy days and all will be fine again.

Such is life itself. ..

Time

Time flies…

Isn’t it ironic that events in our younger days still vividly remain in our thoughts but the reality of the matter is that we are decades away from those innocent days, days where all we could think of were playing hide-and-seek, climbing rambutan trees and making a trip to the river side, eagerly throwing pebbles into the water while watching ripples forming on the surface then happily concluded it was a fun game to play?

I am a little innocent kid again..

I would like to imagine that blue sky and rolling white clouds are a little heaven on earth, raindrops on the roof top are the sound of poetry to my ears, life at this point comes to a standstill as I curl up in this little space of mine dreaming about golden sunset, evening sky and twinkling tiny points of light being the illusion of permanence.

I just want to dream about a little heaven on earth again…

As I am posting this I am instantly reminded not to procrastinate matters that we can do today to another day because of the swiftness with which time slips away, while playfully yet condescendingly invoking in us this lingering sense of the brevity of life…

Food for thought:
I don’t know why we are here, but I am pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein.

A day of fang seng

The day that was : 6 March 2011

I have invited a friend together with her spouse and kid for a weekend activity of fang seng. As usual we went to the animal shop located in Inanam where we frequent quite often to purchase frogs and cengkerik (cricket) for fang seng. I always tell the shop owner that I need them for the sole purpose of feeding my pet fishes at home. I know I need to disguise my actual intention in a bid to discourage the owner to capture or purchase the insects/amphibians in large quantities knowing that there’s a regular customer who always come in to purchase the creatures in droves for fang seng purposes. I had gone to the shop alone the previous evening for the same purpose, but decided to come back with my friend to purchase the remaining small frogs placed in the shop’s aquarium tank as well as few much bigger sizes of the frogs which I noted the day before were crammed inside in a very small tank. I felt that if they were not quickly freed they would have died of suffocation and foul air amidst the dirty environment inside the plastic tank which made absolutely no room for their movement.

People these days are cruel to the well beings of others, knowingly, while others, blatantly and arrogantly ignorant. These poor creatures are not humans, yet deserve their very own right to fight for their existence and shelter, but some of us are sinners of lust and greed with gluttony in our desires; and material fulfillments our prime concerns, hence making profits the only motives on our daily agenda.

There was a time when after exiting the shop I was approached by a young man with the same purchases of plastic bags of frogs and crickets. He asked me what was the purpose of my purchases and I instead tactfully inquired as to why he would want to know. He replied that from my appearance I didn’t seem to be someone who bought small frogs and crickets to feed fishes. I told him that I have been adopting the act of saving life as part of my Buddhist practice and to my delight he said he was also doing the same. He further mentioned that he has been learning to release animals on small scales. I am happy there’s someone who shares my belief and in his young age he has already found his faith and is seemed to be diligently practicing it. This man proceeded to ask questions like where are the suitable place to release frogs and have I ever released crabs? I said yes. And where do we release these crabs? Is the beach a suitable environment for them, or swampy area?

I felt pleasantly amused by this young man’s eagerness to seek liberation and hence cultivate compassion for these creatures, I said “may be we could find the answer by surfing the internet? And would you like to join my brothers and I for today?” He politely declined saying he would keep his purchases in his house and only release them once he is back from outstation assignments. I bid goodbye without asking for his name, for I believe if there is `yuan fen’ between us, we surely will be able to see each other again.


Today my friend’s husband had to drive a long distance to Tuaran town after unable to find suitable places to release our purchases nearby. We then walked a long distance on a gravel road, then a suspension bridge before finally coming to the bank of a river, it was definitely a friendly and clean environment for these amphibians to call their home. Together we uttered a little prayers and chanted some mantras before releasing these creatures to where they belonged, and for them to once again embrace freedom..



Freedom, finally.
On the suspension bridge, with Moi & her kid, Ivy.

Annual dinner & a trip back home

My company was having its Annual Dinner cum Family Day gatherings at Nexus Resort Karambunai in November last year. A warm evening of meeting up and socializing with co-workers and their spouses and children. It must have been an exciting outings for my co-workers especially those working in the plant, for being able to savour the taste of spending a night at the luxurious resort and enjoying sumptuouMy company s meals with their families, and having a relaxing day the day after participating in games and other activities.

I attended the dinner however did not stay at the resort and left early at about 8.45pm , trailing closely behind my colleague under heavy drizzles and flickering street lights. This was actually my first time coming to the resort and I worried about not being able to find the way out as it was drizzling and the guiding street lights were too dimmed. My colleague kindly led me until she turned to another junction thereafter I was left high and dry having to navigate on my own and I did get lost but managed to find my way out then continued a 2 hours’ journey back to the village. Something came up and instead of going back to my own apartment, I decided to make the long trip back to the village, at about 10.00pm when it had started pouring. It was the most nerve-wracking journey for me, I would have never imagined that the road could be this quiet this time of night, every once in a while a flickering light from afar indicating an oncoming vehicle brought a sigh of relief to me knowing that I was not alone but the rest of the trip I had to keep praying that danger would keep a safe distance from me. I am afraid of the dark and being in that situation had inevitably stirred my imagination as if in any instance beings with form and formless would come into my imaginary view and threaten my existence.

In darkness very often, I lose my ability to rationalize.

The fear however did not dent my resolve for I managed to reach the safe haven that is home two hours later. At exactly midnight.

The following day my sister brought me to Beaufort town to buy some fishes for `fang seng’ . Again hoping to save more lives with the same amount of money, I have to tawar-menawar with the fish mongers, one of whom is a a former schoolmate.

As I drove back to KK in the afternoon, I thought about how it had been such a worthwhile trip, albeit having to drive at night under heavy rain with hardly a single soul on the road, and having to chant `Namo kuan se yin pusa’ along the way to calm the nerves, it had been all worthwhile nevertheless to think that I managed to spend some quality time in the village with people matter to me most.

Travelling at broad day light on the same road, fear was now a stranger but happy thoughts were the dear friends of a contented soul nestling in an oasis of tranquility, peacefully and light-heartedly humming away happy tunes…





Some photos:

Lovely colleagues at the reception desk : Mordiana,Fenny & Karen
The team responsible for organising the function.
Standing fr. left : Jessie, Christnie, Fenny; sitting:Stephanie,Lorita,me

The cheeky trio : Henry,Nazrul and Wellie Siong

Me with the ever playful IT executive Fazillah Awang
A blurred picture of me and Sharifah Aini look-alike Jessie

Adorable kid of a colleague

Dotting fathers: co-workers with their families.

Production manager Mr.Law


Award presentation on stage
Karaoke session : Paulinus in action
Johannes Jimmy belting out a melodious number
A presentation of poco-poco dance
Family day activities on the following day





Photos in the village:
Papa and koko in an engaging talk with a neighbour
Fang seng
Ikan keli
Ikan karuk