A story of zhenzhu nai cha

It was a Friday.

My niece called as I was about to call it a night, feeling tired and with back pains. She said she wanted to drop by my house to give me something. A while later there was a knock at the door. As I opened it there she was standing outside holding a small plastic bag containing a cup of pearl milk tea. Turned out she had gone out earlier with friends for a `yum cha session’ and on her way back after giving her friend a lift decided to turn to my place to give me this `takeaway’.

I must admit, I felt a little touched by this.

So on that quiet night, I sipped through the straw of the cup of iced Pearl milk tea, alone, but not lonely, with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, comforting myself that all would be well and despite at times dealing with insecurity issues and feeling like a tiny speck of dust amidst this vast humanity, somewhere, somehow, I was remembered….

Not sober

Many years ago, while having a bowl of fish noodle in a kopitiam in Jalan Gaya, a man caught my eyes, and I wrote down my thoughts of him, in a little note book.

On a Sunday afternoon,
what is on your mind, I wonder?
I see five big empty bottles of beer on a coffee table,
Where you sit by, with a companion,
at a corner of a local coffee shop…

The ceiling fan’s spinning furiously,
But it seems to me you have sank back into total oblivion,
perhaps the smooth operations of your senses have been obliterated by the flow of liquor from your mouth, to every direction in your veins?

You are immersed in your own little space,
I initially thought that the glow in your eyes equates a certain vigilance,
but it turns out to be simply inebriated stares,
hidden behind are perhaps a feeling of desperation and hopelessness,
and you are trying to numb these feelings by emptying bottle upon bottle of liquor,
as I can see .

You stare blankly at the noisy crowd, meandering souls around you,
but I don’t think you really feel their existence,
because you have been entirely hypnotized by the very presence of liquor,
which has acquired an undisputed dominion over the space in your life for now…

But you seem happy and calm.
But I figure its just this game of illusion manifesting itself,
by influencing your subconscious mind into translating these expressions,
on your outer skin…

You don’t care about what others think of you,
even I myself have formed this judgment about you,
oh how I shouldn’t.
You think it’s sweet,
on your part, this perceived divine intoxication of the mind body and soul.

I have finished my noodles,
Another empty bottle is added to the table,
I think its going to be an extended session,
You have fallen deep in your drunken slumber,
I wonder, when tomorrow comes,
When the traces of alcohol slowly diminish,
will you again regain sobriety,
to face the day with renewed hope and promises?

I am leaving now,
I have only these few hours left,
tomorrow’s another working week,
I desperately crave a good rest,
There’s certainly no room for drinking session like this,
even if I so wish.

Do have a good time while you are at it.
Its funny though,
my observation of you,
have brought about a lingering emptiness, in me…..
you have slowly and moderately drunk the life out of this bitter liquid,
like a lost and inebriated soul you are,
Yet it’s ain’t poetry…

Feeding pigeons

A few pigeons wander around my balcony early morning while I get myself busy cooking lunch for work, producing melodiously captivating cooing sounds as if to remind me to hurry up. They do it for a reason. I have been feeding these birds with cracked corn feed for quite some time on the balcony of my first-floor apartment. Initially there were only two or three pigeons linger about the space with the frequent presence of sparrows and other small birds. But I eventually had to stop feeding on the advice of a friend as the bird droppings had caused pretty much an eyesore, and unhygienic, plus the fact I did not have time to clean it out every day, yet this did not deter the birds from coming back each morning, waiting faithfully in anticipation for their feed. I felt pity for them and I just didn’t have the heart to turn them down.

So what was only a casual act to ensure the few hungry birds get some food, has now been transformed into a small mission on my part to routinely spread the feed on the ground near the parking area of my apartment block, every morning before I drive to work. But the spreading of the cracked corn has somehow managed to attract the keen eyes of their peers hence it’s now grown into a frock of twenty and sometimes thirty and more pigeons, which can be seen every morning perching precariously on the roof tops and window panes of my neighbors’ apartments, waiting patiently for the time to fly down to the ground the moment I distant myself from the feeding zone.

I do question myself sometimes if my act of habitually feeding this frock of pigeons and other little birds would make them more dependent of easily available feed, in the process depriving them from using their natural instinct to search for food? In some countries for instant there are signs placed in the parks to advise visitors not to feed the birds for fear that they might eventually lose their abilities to fend for themselves especially during winter times where very few people will venture out to feed them.

But I told myself our country is blessed with moderate climate. If one day I stop feeding these birds I do believe someone else will.

So now cracked corn feed is a must- buy item in my sundry shopping list.

But it is also heart warming for me to think that this little act of giving has helped add a little sparkle and shine to my otherwise monotonous daily routines.

And every morning if time permits, I will watch from a distance at these little birds contentedly feasting on their treats, it somehow soothes and induces a feeling of calm in me.

I guess it must be due to this sense of contentment from within, knowing that I am able to give, however little,
and from this at times neglected fact that we receive much more than we give.

The very source of nourishment to our soul..

The voice from within

I have been severely lacking in physical activities, and couple with a sedentary lifestyle this has slowly produced the inactiveness in me. So I decided to take a long overdue stroll to the neighbourhood in one of the weekends, during a quiet and uneventful Sunday evening.

As I casually and aimlessly strolled by, I noticed the flickers of light from within the living rooms of some of the houses. Indication that the TV sets had been switched on. The same scene repeated itself as I walked pass the many houses lined both sides of my path - people getting themselves glued to the sound and images produced from the electronic sets which seemed to be playfully and tantalizingly diverting the attention of the few who were doing nothing however dreamily immersing in their thoughts, while some folding their laundries whereas others feeding the babies or even just feeding themselves, displaying their multi-tasking skills at best.

People can’t seem to be able to separate themselves from the external images and noises which they have for the longest time associated themselves with, they can’t bear to simply open up and try to listen to their inner voices but instead constantly drawing themselves to the noises from outside, consciously or subconsciously. They just dread being alone, anticipating the sense of loneliness it would entail…

In this global age where technology has produced a myriad supply of electronic wares and gadgets to convenient our lives, and in our rush to conform to society with its constantly changing dynamics, it is difficult not to be influenced by what is cool, hip and in-trend.

Just take a peek into a crowded café for an instance, people (the younger generation especially) waiting for their orders rather than using the waiting time to initiate a good conversation with their partners, will instead turn to their smart phones to play games, listen to music, surfing or SMSing.

People just can’t bear to take a little time off from the active participation of their minds in external activities and learn to listen to that gentle voice from within , of which the seed of serenity resides.

Don’t we want to once in a while try to switch off the noises from outside and learn instead to listen to our inner voice? Don’t we want to quiet this gentle rumblings of the heart and try to seek its source and rationalize? Don’t we want to seek a little corner from within and rest this restlessness and anxiety, the source of our discontent and unhappiness, so that it would finally die down and perish into nonexistence?

Maybe its time for us to learn to listen to nothing but this barely audible of the steady beating of our pulses, lending an ear to the inhalation and exhalation of air coursing through our systems to make us realize that nothing is more precious than this.

The realisation of the one fact that we are truly alive..

And all that we have been worrying about have now reduced to mere specks of dust the significance of which is too negligible to warrant their dominance in our minds.

But living truthfully and meaningfully is…

Some random photos:
On Wesak Day (17/05/11), we made an early journey to Santavana Forest Hermitage to participate in Dana offerings for the monks. I was feeling unwell due to flu and fever yet it did not deter me from joining my siblings for the trip, which has now become an annual affair for me, since years back. This time round, nieces Kewei and Chun2 tagged along.

The devotees waiting patiently for the arrival of the monks(tse fus)..



Alms offering.

Scattered thoughts

The sales girl scooped up a near lifeless tiny frog, and instinctively put it back into the tank. I asked her why and she explained that they don’t sell dead frogs as it would poison the fishes when being fed upon. I wanted very much to save its life even though there was only a small chance the frog would survive when being released into the wild. So I told the her to put it into another plastic bag. At the counter, I asked the lady boss to sell a little cheaper since the condition of the frog was a tad fragile, it might be dead any time soon. She instead suggested I might as well not take it, but my heart whispered otherwise, and I paid even though she refused to provide a discount.

All life forms are precious and equal, tiny frogs included, hence deserved to be treated with compassion and respect in their search for continued existence on this earth, even more so during these very uncertain, turbulent times of our lives..

The near lifeless frog, I hope it would against all odds,get a second chance at life.
My beloved sister sent me an email from the village containing some spiritual food for thoughts,to soothe this moody and contemplative soul, on a quiet Friday night: -

把自己的心安住在現在
煩煩惱惱要過一生
快快樂樂也要過一生
為自己找個好方法
讓自己安住 安靜的過活
很多事情不是用想就可以解決的不是嗎?
今天在經集
一部經典裡看到這樣的一句話想和分享

佛答闍多迦尼問時說: 消滅過去之事 排除將來之事
也不執著現在之事 便能平靜的生活~~~共勉之

It helps lift up the spirit a bit. I am sometimes just like a lost child needing a gentle pat on the back, to lead me back onto the right path again. Just a little reminder like this to help me focus on the presence, not the past nor the future, for I believe things will fall into its place when you take care of the presence.

It may just will...

So I shed a few tears, let the moment pass, and I am fine again.

Fleeting beauty of a white flower

無常的花
A white lovely flower I like to smell,
the scent tantalizingly alluring,
sitting bright, young and fresh,
on the stem of a sturdy old plant,
I gleefully plucked it off from its safe dwelling,
to bring it back home
hoping its freshness and smell will stay on,
as picture of its perpetual scent and attractiveness,
being naively painted in my head…

But it quickly withered and died a day after,
transforming into a darkened lump of dried and crumbled petals,
demonstrating quietly, yet unwillingly,
of the swiftness with which it changes its physical beauty.

I despaired a little,
over this somewhat glaring facts,
that impermanence and fragility,
have reared its little ugly heads,
but all with noble intention,
urging us to learn to live in the moments,
to treasure, to appreciate
to learn to love with our hearts
and to give while we can
before all that is worthwhile and good
perish into a cottony cloud of nothingness…

Random photos

A view of Kampung Lumadan.
Its multi-purpose hall
Papa and his friends.

The day that was 23/04/11

Food distribution for flood victims
My father and some kampung folks patiently waiting outside the community hall of Kampung Lumadan for a food and cash distribution by the state government; Inside the hall a dance performance, with the 1Malaysia theme song blaring from the sound system being presented to the audience. Earlier on there were ceramahs being held inside the dewan. I detest it when what was supposed to be a small initiative by the state government to distribute aid to the flood victims was being purposely turned into a grand event of sort to welcome VIPs, with the accompaniment of kompang and the presence of uniformed government servants (I presumed) to add a touch of pomposity and grandeur to the otherwise serene and quiet atmosphere in the village, and a political campaign was then ensued to propagate these VIPs’ well conceived agendas. The kampung people had congregated here as early as seven in the morning and hours passed by, yet all they got to hear were make-believe speeches and empty promises by the oh-so-important political figures. These folks, most of whom being illiterate, are an easy target to fish votes for the coming general election, I assumed.

Even the food aid came a tad too late. The flood occurred in early February during CNY 2011, yet distribution of aids only came in April. Talking about the efficiency of the administration! But they say better late than never .

My father came back much later at about 1pm with a packet of 15kgs rice and RM50.

Sigh.




Fang Sheng
I bought all the 10kgs of ikan keli from the lady fishmonger, all while trying to ease my guilt for concocting a lie that I bought these fish for resell to a businessman in KK, and emphasizing the fact that I only came to buy once in a while if there was a request from the businessman. I had to hide my actual intention for fear of encouraging them to capture more fishes knowing that there’s a steady demand at hand .

It’s always brought about a liberating sense to see the initial calm water being stirred into tiny little waves by the wriggling movement of the fish upon being released into freedom. It elicits this feeling of peace and contentment from within me to see how these tiny lives which were supposed to end up on dining tables, found a precious second chance to live.




Kuih Muih
Some of the kuih-muih (local cakes) I bought from pekan Bongawan, while on my way back to the village, on a Saturday morning. I had meant to buy the very delicious kuih koci but it had been sold out. It’s pretty hard nowadays to find cheap food items selling at 3 pieces for a ringgit. The exorbitant prices of goods these days make living a struggle for the rakyat, especially for the low income group. Is it the cascading effect of the global economy situation, or simply the inefficient administration of our government that is to blame for what we are facing right now?

No one is to know.


Some other random pictures I took of the surroundings , while lazing around in my parents’ house in the village.

My mother's carefully tended chilly plants
Place where we release fishes.
Wild yam plant which never bore fruits.
Baby banana plant
A plastic pail to store water from the slightly leaking water tap.
Young coconut tree with the old one growing side by side.
Cast Iron plant, thriving despite being grossly neglected.
Plot of fresh grass.
Rambutan tree stub
Shy plant (pokok semalu), sensitive & humble as its name suggests,will crumble when touched.
Wild orchid plant found its home on a felled rambutan tree stub
A bouquet of flowers I bought for the Buddha shrine



A new puppy in the house we named Jenggo

It has been a relaxing weekend though, to be away from the hectic schedules in the city, and simply indulged in little moments of easy relaxation and quiet introspection, before embarking on yet another week of work and responsibilities and attending to whatever mundane details of everyday life ….