I called up my 70 years old aunt to enquire just how she was doing. Life’s not treating her good lately. With her father just passed away and her only daughter diagnosed with kidney ailment and needs to undergo operation, she’s been extremely busy travelling to and from her residence to her daughter’s place just to take care of her as well as the grand daughters while the son-in-law out working. It’s even more difficult when she herself, a survivor of stomach cancer years ago, needs to deal with her own ailing physical self.
But she has that strong fighting spirit to make things work. To maneuver around the many seemingly insurmountable obstacles , one by one, which I very much admire.
I told her to take good care of herself amidst all the chaos be it physical toils and emotional turmoil that she needs to deal with, that she really should not take things too hard on herself. In her tiring voice she said in Hokkien that she tried to loosen up but every now and then this nagging worry about the condition of her daughter keep coming back, however hard she tried to push it to the fringes of her mind. I am confused, she said.
There’s somehow a tinge of resignation in her voice. `Si ani quan liao, kang kor ma si ai ke, senang ma si ai ke’.
Literally means you need to go through this life with whatever conditions LIFE dictates it wants to allocate you with, be it happy events or traumatic episodes that will shear your mental state to shreds, like a sword driving through you heart creating a deep gash along the way, such agonizing pain yet you need to deal with it, such heart-breaking emotional trauma yet you need to learn to get over it.
For how else to win these battles BUT through sheer gut and steely determination?
My aunt will know how to get around and learn to deal and get over it, just like how she comes out strong every time with whatever condition LIFE has resolvedly wanted to throw a challenge upon her, and she would in no time go back to her normal self likes there’s not a single care in the world, sitting in her favourite corner of the house, nonchalantly puffing a cigarette after a hard work day, away from the noises and the pestering and hollering of her attention deficit hyperactivity disorder grandson who is such a handful for her and whose antics can become way too much to bear at times, where she slowly letting herself loose to immerse in her own make-believe world and all is just fine and quiet and soothing, and she finds herself the many a time elusive unadulterated peace, where she so ever craves and deserves..
And she is not slipping away…
1. When after a hard day at work, I drive back home and make a detour to a nearby mall to tapau my favourite food and drink, like white coffee or teh-c or a piece of cake.
2. Someone gives me a nice massage to ease my sore back, a result of sitting and staring too long at the computer. Bean counting.
My sister once promised to give me a massage when she was back from Taiwan for 10 sessions if I helped her pay for the cost of her contact lenses. I did but she failed at upholding her promises. She was so caught up in meeting up with relatives and friends and ended up coming back home exhausted herself.
3. Going back to village to visit my parents and bring back some of their favourite food: dim-sum, kon lo mee , yu cha kwai etc etc, or simply engaging them in a little chit-chat. It makes me happy to see that they are doing well, and happy.
4. Once in a blue moon, good friends bring me out for yum cha. It’s been so much less frequent now as I am now entering this middle-age phase. The fact that my married friends are mostly occupied. Its only natural I know . And I shouldn’t be complaining. But still…
Sigh.
5. When I join my Tze-chi friends for some charitable activities and happy knowing I am contributing a little to help and thereafter a yum cha at some coffee shop where everyone is always in a jovial mood and happily relating their stories either about someone’s life or just theirs. Or a little entertaining juicy gossips here and there. I am just oh this faithful listener.
6. I am all by myself driving on a quiet road and the weather is fine with clear blue sky and rolling white clouds and I am listening to songs on the car radio and happily humming along to it. Self-consciousness is thrown to the wind despite my very obvious lack of talent because I am by my own and no one is listening 0__o
7. When surrounded by all the people I love and care about..
8. When someone sends me a card. Be it for birthdays, festive seasons, sisterly love or simply a `missing you’ card, an indication that there’s always someone out there who’s thinking of and care about me, and I am not alone after all.
Just these simple things in life , to once in a while get me out of the doldrums of daily mundane worldly tasks, like work, to lift up my spirit, and make me happy.
-__-
There’s a kopitiam near my house where I like to tapau my favourite `teh c’ every morning on my way to work. This routine has been going on for more than a year now. The shop assistant would immediately know what to prepare even before I place my order. But there’s this thing about the lady boss who never smiles nor greets me, casting a somewhat aloof and indifferent glance every time I approach the counter however cheerfully talks to patrons who I presume are her friends. I sometimes think am I not contributing to her business? Even just for a mere Rm1.20 a day. Or RM1.40 as it is now.
A smile does not require much effort other than this small adjustment in your facial expression. Its free and comes with no attachment besides generously helping to make the other person feel welcomed and lighten up for a brief moment if there’s perhaps some troubles that might have surfaced in her/his life.
And as a customer, it makes me feel that my patronage is appreciated.
The lady boss proudly hung some enlarged photos of her posing and smiling broadly and exaggeratedly with some famous Hong-Kong film stars who visited her shop when they came to town for some drama-shooting, and she made sure all the photos were nicely put up for vanity display.
Made me wonder why is there such an immense difference in attitudes? As if film stars should rightfully be accorded first-class treatments. As if my frequent patronage is a mere passing of a dishevelled stranger at her doorstep asking for a glass of water to quench her thirst, whose continuing presence irritates and frustrates her...
Even a stranger deserves to be treated with kindly words and a courteous smile.
Courtesy and smile are those simple yet heart-warming gestures radiating little bright light to the givers and recipients alike, it embraces this wholesome quality of helping to dispel feeling of awkwardness or dissolve any apparent slight divide standing between you and me, making the interaction smooth and easy-flowing.
And sometimes it helps melt a hardened heart.
I would still frequent this shop every day on my way to work, and would continue to smile at her when I place my order and it won’t bother me too much as to how this lady boss present herself.
For the simple fact that this is how I would like to start my day.
And should be how I would like to end it as well. -___-
Note:there is something about this photo,which I downloaded fr.Flickr,that really touches my heart and I earnestly would like to put a link to the source (for fear of infringement of copyright) but simply didn't know how.
